Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have already put on my inside pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
