i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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