At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
