when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
