thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
