The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
