Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
