your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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