Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
