The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
