It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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