In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
