I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
