Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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