I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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