Screwed.edu
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
