In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
