I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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