you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
