He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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