College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
