I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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