I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
