i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
