My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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