so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
