tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
