Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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