That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Say something about gay babies.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
