I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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