if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
