How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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