My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
