If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
