I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
