Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
