its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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