i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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