It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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