I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
