omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
