Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
