You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
