am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
