She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In America we eat man semen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
