I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
