At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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