Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
