I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
