I just gift wrapped bread.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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