I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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