Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
