when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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