why didn't you poke me back
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
