I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
