Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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